I studied. For once. I've already taken PreCal so the repetition alone is annoying to me. Of course I got cocky and some point and decided I didn't even need to show up for class, big mistake. It was such a stupid mistake. Anyway, I got the test back, y'know, the one I was absolutely positive I'd get an A on, which would sort of make all my problems go away. So I got that test back and received a D on it. I wanted to cry as soon as I had it in my hands and saw... I somehow managed to get back to my seat semi-consciously and sat through the rest of the lecture halfway between taking some serious notes and just running out of class. I ended up running out of class. I actually dropped it, because I just know I was going to fail. Ughh. It's the worst feeling in the world, of sheer idiocy.
i guess i'm just an idiot
Because I dropped that class now I'm unsure if CSUSB is going to accept me or not. They sort of really want people to take their math courses even though I can't even begin to fathom why. Besides being able to calculate taxes on purchases which has been pretty damn handy, I don't really use math in every day life. I get it (sometimes, if I'm willing to try) but it's seriously unnecessary. Unless you want to work for NASA or write silly little comics like xkcd which I frigen adore.
Ball pit, anyone? One day, when I get my own place, there will be a room that will become the ball pit. I swear it...
So I've been thinking about it, if they don't accept me what am I going to do? I mean I'm obviously going to retake that course but it wont happen til the Spring and I don't know if they'll even take that into consideration at the moment. But what if next fall I don't have anywhere to go? I don't fucking know what I'll do, I can't just take a year off. Even worse, I'll go crazy if I have to stay living at home.
Not to mention that I've been a complete twat to someone I care about. There are just certain circumstances, or... baggage as I call them, that I am unwilling to deal with. I'll take him, just leave them behind please. But that's not going to happen so somewhere down the line my pent-up aggression unleashes and the sheer force of it is outstanding. Of course he'd get sick of it sooner or later. But like I said, the sheer force... of course it'll be sooner rather than later. I am a complete twat.
...back-up plan. Next fall if I don't have a school to go to and my life is basically ruined, who wants a roommate? (Haha, don't I just sound like the perfect roomie?) You'll basically be giving me hope for a better future.
If I could, I think I'd do a bit of traveling. I plan on saving up money for college anyway, if I don't get in I guess I could always go exploring a bit. hm.
I've come to the realization that I might actually be having a quarter-life crisis. That is just retarded.
I bought these nice brown moccasin slippers from Target with fur inside. It's like a puppy is hugging my foot. They almost make me happy.
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- on Tuesday, November 4, 2008
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