marcela v. 2.0

i'm done with it. the pessimism, the anti-social tendencies, the whining, the nagging, the insecurities, the self-doubt. i'm fucking done, i'm tired. the doubt, the inability to make up my mind, the lack of opinions, the lack of knowledge, motivation, ambition, passion.

the inhibition, shyness, naivety, everything... i'm done with it.

it's time for a change. i'm stuck. i am stuck in a ditch with nothing, not a single thing, to help me get out but myself. i'm virtually naked, that's how empty it is in there. nothing but my bare hands to help me claw out of this ditch and believe me, my friends, ohhh believe it, it is quite the ditch. material objects do not bring about happiness. nope. i used to be happy, though i was alone. i enjoyed it. then i wasn't. either or. and fuck. it gets harder to get back to that point afterwards.

i have ambitions. i have dreams. why do i forget this? why don't i follow them and do something with my life?

i shall start exercising, running to be exact. i hate running, but i don't think i always did. i did however always suck at it. but i had some endurance, now i have none.

i shall create. i shall paint, photograph, design, compose. whatever i feel, i shall create. 

i will not hold back any more. i will not censor myself. i will not repress myself.

i am more than i have let on. i deserve more than i have allowed myself. i will get my way.

i will travel and i will experience new things and i, unlike many other people, will not forget who i am or where i came from. i will remain me. just better. improved? 

:inhales deeply: this is a lot. i hope i can do this. always, always, always alone. this isn't something that can be done easily, but it must be done alone.

i can do it.

CREDO QUIA IMPOSSIBLE EST. i believe it because it is impossible.

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Published:
on Wednesday, September 17, 2008
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4 comentarios:

  1. Anonymous September 17, 2008 at 4:19 PM

    you can do it! believe in yourself. i believe in you. you'll get all you've ever wanted.

     
  2. Anonymous September 17, 2008 at 11:10 PM

    thank you, that means a lot. :]

    being supported, it feels good. ^__^

     
  3. Anonymous September 18, 2008 at 12:53 AM

    I had this exact breakthrough (give or take a few words) recently.

    Let me share what really changed things around for me:
    every day I told myself, FORCED myself to do something I've never done before.

    It can be so simple as talking to someone you've never talked to before.
    Speaking up when you would normally stay quiet.
    Go places when invited.
    ...or something completely crazy, like skydiving.


    But you really do have to push yourself.

    you'll thank you later

    :]

    good luck on your road to freedom

     
  4. Anonymous September 22, 2008 at 12:35 AM

    thank you. :]

    it's so easy to forget to motivate yourself, it's a shame.

    i shall try, i shall try....

     

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