i feel claustrophobic

i wish you'd get out of my head. why do i worry about you so when you're off living happily, not even giving me a second thought?

my mind's a jumbled mess i haven't yet managed to organize. the files are overflowing and my emotions are running wild. i can't control my temper, i don't mean to throw tantrums. i honestly want to hide away in a cave until my head's organized once more. i wish it was possible.

i don't know where i went wrong or even when this started happening. i just know i started drifting farther and farther away from everyone i know and it's getting to the point where i can't handle the loneliness. i used to be just fine being alone, they're not the same, i don't know where it's coming from.

a part of me hates you and your newfound happiness. i'm bitter and jealous. why did you find it so effortlessly and leave me behind? why couldn't i become a part of it? yeah, i've actually admitted it to myself. i'm jealous of you and i can't be around you. why is it that every time i see you i get an instant play-by-play of what you've done? i don't need that. you're just fueling my rage. i can't control it, i'm trying but i'm unhappy.

this town isn't where i was supposed to be. i fucked it up. not you, i did it. i let you influence me and hold me back. it wasn't as if you had tied me down and locked me away. i did it myself, i wrapped the shackles around my own wrists and made my miserable future possible.

now i'm stuck. stagnant. rotting. no one to blame but myself. but fuck. it'll be temporary. as long as i'm breathing, it'll be temporary. i wasn't meant for this town, i was meant for bigger things. it'll happen. it's been delayed, but i'm going to make it happen. my time will come.

and i'll disappear from your world. you've found your happiness, i'm not holding you back anymore. i wont taint your happiness with my melancholy. i need to figure things out on my own.