yo no se

and i'm still trying to figure out what's wrong with me.

have you become my source of happiness or do you just occupy my time enough that i don't realize what i'm missing out on?

no, that's not fair. i'm sorry.

i should apologize more often for things i say, i know i'm not always the kindest. i'm just frustrated a lot. i'm working on it. i'm working on me.

nothing eventful. i feel bland. the more free time i have, the more i realize i have nothing to do. i complained but i partly miss working 40 hour weeks. and the cash. it helped.

i'm currently at a cross-roads between two lives i want to live and i can't decide. they're not terribly exclusive, it's just a matter of timing. should i put myself a deeper hole of debt to achieve the freedom i've been aching for for so long knowing that it'll only be temporary because after the year i'll do the reasonable thing and live with the boy i love and welcome a more settled down lifestyle, or just accept what's to become and go straight to the second? it's more reasonable, logical and i know i'd be happy. but i'm struggling with letting go and just accepting it when i've wanted this freedom for so long and i can only imagine how intoxicating it'll be.

i don't know.

three conversations. all essentially the same thing. what should i do with my life?

je ne sais pas. yo no se. i don't know i don't know i don't know a single thing.

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Published:
on Friday, January 30, 2009
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6 comentarios:

  1. stephanie. January 30, 2009 at 12:49 AM

    I know that god-awful feeling of not knowing.

    I am always tempted with packing up all my shit and running till the sun is gone and the road is lost.
    It hurts when I don't satiate that urge, but I know its essentially the right thing to do.


    One day soon, we're going to run away for a day. We deserve it!

     
  2. Marcela García Pulido January 30, 2009 at 1:04 AM

    i would love that so much. just a day for a road trip to do as we please, it'd be grand.

    i'm holding you to it!

     
  3. Stephanie January 30, 2009 at 2:25 PM

    Nothing's wrong with you.

    Take a leap.

    Life is too short to do what's safe and comfortable.

     
  4. Marcela García Pulido January 30, 2009 at 11:05 PM

    i just meant my unhappiness when there's really nothing to be unhappy about.

     
  5. Stephanie February 1, 2009 at 8:58 PM

    Is that possible though? To be unhappy without reason?

    The way I see it, go with the path in which you'll learn more and maybe catch a glimpse of other opportunities. One of my favorite profs from last year left me a comment on a paper that hit me so hard that I cut it out and have displayed it on my wall ever since.

    "Comfortable is a dangerous word."

    By going straight into domestic-bliss or whatever you want to call it is what you know will probably make you happy. But I think you will regret not having at least tried the other option.

    I hope this makes sense. I feel that this would be better expressed via phone. Call me!

     
  6. Marcela García Pulido February 1, 2009 at 10:04 PM

    oii.

    it's so very true. i've been stuck in a comfortable.

    thank you :]

     

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